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[harshboldcharm]

He left the apartment and the month's rent. The last thing he said to Johnny was a text one his weekend with Alice saying, 'Give her a hug for me.' After that? Radio silence. Wylie was crowded. He was feeling the pressures of what he'd have to live up to with a boyfriend who wanted to be serious - who could see something like falling in their future. There was a daughter to consider. There was hearts. There was everything that came with it. Wylie wasn't willing to put them through it. 

Three weeks went by. He traveled with just a backpack of stuff. He'd left anything too big to carry on his bike in storage. He'd have to come back to town to get it, but he figured if he waited long enough, he could sneak into town and leave before anything could go wrong. But over those three weeks while he was out losing himself on the road, he was finding himself just as much. 

If you asked him, he wouldn't be able to tell you how he ended up back at the apartment building that housed Johnny's place. It had been raining, the leather jacket he wore not enough to shield him from the elements. As he stood outside his door, eyes fixated on the number beside it while he blanked out. Why he was there, he'd never be able to answer. He should have kept going. He should have left it all behind. But now he was standing there, dripping wet and soaked through, a backpack slung over one shoulder. He knocked, not caring that it was easily past midnight.

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[likeavolcano.livejournal.com]

Johnny heard the jug click off as silence reigned in the apartment and he let out a frustrated sigh before he turned back to finish making the coffee. He brought two mugs into the main room and set one down in front of Wylie before he resumed his seat, cupping his own mug as he held it.

He hadn't forgotten how Wylie had his coffee. He hadn't forgotten anything. Three weeks wasn't enough to wash the other man out of his hair. Nowhere near enough, and Johnny didn't want to. He didn't want to forget Wylie, he didn't want to break up with him.

He kept the mug held securely in one hand before he reached out and rubbed his had slowly against Wylie's. "You do understand that sometimes people can hurt each other and still forgive each other, don't you? You came back. I think that's the thing to be focused on here. You could have stayed away, but you didn't. And I want you here, I want you back. I want to be with you."

[harshboldcharm.livejournal.com]

Wylie didn't respond well. He didn't usually respond well to anything. He'd done the same kind of thing as a teenager. He shut down and turned mean when someone was trying to help him and what was worse is that he still remembered that and knew that he shouldn't be reacting that way, yet he did.

When Johnny touched him, Wylie flinched. It wasn't intentional, but it happened. He didn't look up. He dropped his hands from his face to clasp in front of him, elbows still on his knees. It wasn't guilt that he was feeling right now. It wasn't that he was feeling like he had done something horrible and he was staying to make it right. He was frozen in place, caught between wanted to stay and holding onto the willpower not to run.

"No," he answered him finally. His voice sounded strange, almost like he'd been crying, but his eyes were dry. "I've never had the chance to experience forgiveness. It's always been horrible people doing unspeakable things. So no, forgiveness is not something I learned. And don't fucking tell me what I should be doing or how I should be reacting or try and make sense out of it because it doesn't work that way in my head."

[likeavolcano.livejournal.com]

"Then what do you want from me?" Johnny asked him in exasperation. "I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm just... You're sitting there all fucking quiet and it's a little hard to know what you want. What you're thinking. Besides the fact that I should have turned you away at the door. Which, no, I really fucking shouldn't have. So don't feed that to me again. There's no turning you away. You're here now, so let's sort this out."

Johnny had seen the flinch, and he pulled his hand away instantly with a sigh. He couldn't even touch his own boyfriend. Yeah, this was a swell reunion. While he understood the damage that had been done to Wylie, and how it must have effected his way of thinking, it really wasn't so easy to deal with in reality. Johnny had thought he'd be ready for this. He wasn't. He was just trying his best.

[harshboldcharm.livejournal.com]

Wylie stood up and walked away for a second, shoulders slumped and eyes down at the floor. He finally turned around, a frustration in his eyes that said somethign much deeper was going on in his head. He shook his head, giving up entirely, trying to hold it down as the muscles in his face tensed into a snarl. He'd always had a bit of a temper.

"I want you to kick me out so you can move on!" he yelled finally. "I want to not have to feel like I'm constantly letting someone down and know that you can find someone else that will treat you better because I won't. I know that and as much as I want to be there for you and be that guy that support and love you, it won't work that way. I may love you, I may want to support you, but I'll make it worse. Your life intertwined with mine will mean pain. And I can't change that about myself no matter how hard I've tried. So yes, you are better off without me and I can't explain that to you because you haven't seen the hurt, angry, broken side of me. Not yet. Not like you think."

[likeavolcano.livejournal.com]

Johnny got up and met Wylie head on as he sneered back at him. He could take the anger. In fact, maybe it was better that they just had it out like this, but Johnny still wasn't going to strike him. He refused to be that guy.

"You really want me to kick you the fuck out? Why, you got legs, you can walk the fuck out," he challenged as he stayed right in Wylie's personal space. "You've done it before. I'm not gonna be the fucking bad guy so that you get to leave with a free conscience and think that you're doing the right fucking thing by me. You're not, you know. You don't have to fucking support me. I'm a big boy, I wear big boy jocks. I've been looking after myself long enough. But not being able to love me? Yeah, we'll have a fucking problem there. If you can't let yourself feel anything for me, then go."

[harshboldcharm.livejournal.com]

He set his jaw and looked down at him. This was the only time when his height was impressive enough to mean anything between them. "I don't want to be that guy that walks out!" he yelled right back, "I don't want to leave you. And no one said I wasn't able to love you. I am just not able to love you the right way. Not because I don't feel it. Not because I don't want to. Only because I've never known what it was like to have that and love came in the flavor of broken wrists and bruises!"

He'd learned long ago what his problem was. He'd learned that he was basing relationships on what he saw with his step dad. Maybe that wasn't enough to ruin him forever, but it royally fucked him up and he had no way of changing it now. At least he'd lost hope long ago.

[likeavolcano.livejournal.com]

Wylie might have had the height, but Johnny had a little more bulk than he did. He wasn't going to back down. He growled in frustration before grabbing Wylie by the back of the neck. "So don't fucking walk out, and stop trying to get me to fucking kick you out! I don't want you to leave. I never fucking wanted you to leave, so I'm not gonna start now." He kissed Wylie roughly, harshly as he tried to make him understand through action rather than words since the argument apparently wasn't getting them anywhere. "I don't care how you love me, just that you do. If we can change that, then good... So much the better. But I'm willing to take the time, and I'm willing to try."

[harshboldcharm.livejournal.com]

He would have cursed, but suddenly his lips were against Johnny's. Rough, raw, desperate. He wanted it. He needed. He had always been the one to do the pushing. He'd always been the one that shoved around the people he loved. Never had he expected to be the one receiving the same treatment. Wylie growled, almost a groan, against Johnny's lips. He could say anything even as Johnny pulled away, just staring at him before Wylie shut his eyes, taking a deep breath. He wasn't walking out. That was all he had to offer.

[likeavolcano.livejournal.com]

Johnny smoothed his hand over Wylie's neck, loosening his grip just a little before he kissed him again, softer this time. He deepened it quickly, drawing it out for as long as Wylie would let him. "Just stay tonight," he murmured against his lips. "Please. Come to bed with me."

[harshboldcharm.livejournal.com]

He couldn't fight him. Wylie had no will power against the soft lips pressed to his. With a deep breath, eyes still closed, he nodded. Stepping forward, closer to him, he pressed his forehead to Johnny's, silently agreeing. "I have nowhere to go," he admitted. He had no apartment anymore. He had been traveling around, staying in motels. He didn't have anything left.

[likeavolcano.livejournal.com]

Johnny hugged Wylie to him, his body slumping slightly as he realised that the fight was over for now. He could maybe declare a victory, but he wasn't about to celebrate. Not just yet. "Then stay as long as you need to."

[harshboldcharm.livejournal.com]

That was a dangerous offer for him to give. Wylie nodded and wrapped his arms around him. Maybe it was just that he didn't want to love him like he felt. It was painful, loving someone this way. Loving in a way that your day only goes on because you know they are somewhere out there. He didn't want to feel it and he couldn't escape it. It was torture. He sighed and dipped his head to press his face to his neck.

[likeavolcano.livejournal.com]

Johnny pressed a kiss to the side of Wylie's neck and just stilled for a long moment as he breathed in his lover's familiar scent. They could go to bed soon, but first Johnny still needed the physical reassurance that he was really there. That he still existed. He had no idea how it would work with them living together, but he wanted to try. Wylie needed his help and he was in a position to give it. To share his home. He'd find a way to explain it to Alice when he spoke to her again.

[harshboldcharm.livejournal.com]

There was a rush of adrenaline leaving his system. His nerves and frustration all drained at once, leaving him raw and vulnerable - feelings he hated. His chest tightened with the emotion and he didn't know how to proceed. All he knew was that his legs didn't want to hold him any longer, but he couldn't convince himself to move. "I'll find a place, soon," he offered up quietly. He didn't need to overwhelm Johnny with him first leaving, then coming back and taking up space in his apartment too.

[likeavolcano.livejournal.com]

"I know," Johnny murmured, but he wasn't actually thinking about that. There was a selfish part of him already contemplating the benefits of having Wylie under his roof. He pulled back to kiss the younger man again. "Come to bed with me..."

[harshboldcharm.livejournal.com]

He did finally nod his agreement to go to bed with him. Wylie's hands wandered across Johnny's back, his lips softly searching his. There was an underlying desire, but he kept it at bay, guilt still racking him. He exhaled slowly through his nose, pressing his lips more urgently to his lover's. "Jona," he whispered, missing the feel of his name against his tongue.

[likeavolcano.livejournal.com]

Johnny kissed him back. Of course he did. He reached up to cup his hand to the back of Wylie's beck as he stretched up to meet the embrace, trying to make sure Wylie didn't need to bend down too much. He lips parted as his tongue teased against Wylie's lips, but he kept it soft, kept it gentle. "I'm here... I'm yours, Wylie."

[harshboldcharm.livejournal.com]

Wylie parted his lips, letting his lover's tongue meet his own. He felt the relief start to finally fill him, the anxiety leaving. This was therapeutic, to feel Jona's body against his, lips dancing softly. He let the moment linger for as long as he could handle it before Wylie pulled back, one hand searching out Jona's and tangling their fingers. "Take me to bed," he pleaded softly, already edging him back that direction.

[likeavolcano.livejournal.com]

Johnny nodded against his cheek as he nuzzled into Wylie, his hand started to rub against his hip, fingers massaging into the skin and muscle. He guided Wylie to the bedroom, touches and brief kisses keeping him close. This was always how they worked out things between them, wasn't it? He thought back to the last time they'd been together, and it tugged at Johnny's mind, but he didn't want to analyse it. Just like he didn't want this time to be anything like that. He didn't want rough. He didn't want Wylie to hurt.

He eased Wylie back onto the bed, the crinkled sheets another sign that Johnny hadn't been himself. He wasn't anal about cleaning, but he did manage to keep his bed neat most of the time. His body rest across Wylie's, lips searching out his lovers against as he settled between his legs. "Wylie..."

[harshboldcharm.livejournal.com]

The last time had been a last ditch effort to lose himself. It had been him taking a punishment for what he knew would ruin Johnny's life when he left. Why he reacted that way hadn't made sense to even him, but it was the next reaction he could figure out how to have. Johnny, however, was now easing him back, settling in between his legs. Wylie shut his eyes, blocking the thoughts that he wasn't ready to be back yet. This is what he wanted. This is why he'd come back. Not for sex, but for Johnny.

He arched up against him, vulnerable and submissive, though retaining the ability to kiss his lover aggressively. "Jona," he pleaded, his hands wandering over his shoulders.

[likeavolcano.livejournal.com]

Johnny pulled back enough to start tugging Wylie's pants off, and then his own. He settled back between Wylie's legs and started to rock his hips against his slowly. He kissed him back, hand resting on Wylie's thigh before he pulled his leg up over his hip.

[harshboldcharm.livejournal.com]

Wylie groaned, rocking his hips upwards, his body reacting. It had been three weeks. He may have left, but he hadn't picked up anyone in the time apart. He couldn't get himself to do that. With his leg hitched over Johnny's hip, he was able to pull him close and keep grinding against him, the sensation familiar and desired.

[likeavolcano.livejournal.com]

Their cocks rubbed together and a bolt shot down Johnny's spine. He was quickly hardening, his desire for Wylie evident. He hadn't been with anyone either. How could he? His heart had very much belonged to this man, and so did his cock. No one else was going to compare. His lips slid down over Wylie's jaw, sucking softly at the skin on his neck as he groaned.

[harshboldcharm.livejournal.com]

Now hard, Wylie rocked urgently, the feeling of Johnny's cock against his absolutely heavenly. The hard flesh rubbing his own made him just that much more ready for whatever they were getting into. He kissed him passionately, a low groan escaping his lips. Wylie carefully reached between their bodies, taking both their cocks and stroking them together. "Fuck... Jona," he let out through a strained voice.

[likeavolcano.livejournal.com]

Johnny thrust into Wylie's hand, making sure his cock continued to rub against Wylie's. It really did feel good. So good he was probably in danger of coming far too soon. He let his forehead rest on Wylie's shoulder, his breathing ragged as he tried to hold out. "Wylie... shit... I can't... I want to, I just... fuck..."